Looking forward

by FeR on March 5, 2017 in personal,work













This is something that I will be looking forward to this year – I believe this is nearly at half point mark. This is one of the reasons why I left my permanent job to work as a locum for a year or so (depending on how I get on) – the other reason was to use the perks of a locum (travel and accommodation may be provided as well, so I choose accordingly) to see more of Australia.

I hope and pray that by the time it’s ready, I will be able to find something permanent near my new home. If I can’t, I will probably continue to locum until something comes up – in the meantime, I’ll try to plan a week or two between bookings in order to enjoy having my own space. :)



by FeR on March 15, 2016 in blabs,Him & faith,stories

I had a busy day at work today but I’m really glad that it was a quiet moment when she came to pick up her items. 

It started from her telling me that the CoQ10 did nothing for her and that she still felt very tired and fatigued. As I gently probed for more details, she said she was waiting for surgery to fix her knee and that won’t happen until June. Living with physical pain is debilitating. It really sucks everything out of you. I felt sorry for her. 

Then there was death and loneliness. Death caused the loneliness despite having children and friends. The first step was to admit it, that you feel lonely. I think society is not very sympathetic towards lonely people. Everyone is too busy. I was told, “Oh, but they have their own family and issues.” I told her I believe family is family and true friends won’t bat an eyelid if you are honest with them. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate event with pomp and fuss, it can just be hanging out in the same room or a quick meal or a grocery run or even if it’s just sitting in the car while your children sends your grandchildren to their activities. Since when do family members have to be so 客氣 with each other? To worry about, “Am I imposing? Is she comfortable? Am I taking up their time?” 

When it comes to something like this, I’m glad to be Asian. We don’t have to be so uptight about personal space or privacy sometimes (although ironically, those are the very things that annoys me too!). For someone who has family and friends around her, yet be afraid to ask them for their company…it’s sad. I would feel horrible if my mother is ever made to feel that way when I am within driving distance from her. I’m not saying that they don’t care, but why is she made to feel afraid to reach out for company? That she is a burden or that she may be imposing herself on others? 

Loneliness is a real thing. I’m sorry she has to go back to an empty home where there were lots of memories with the person she loved. I do hope that one day, this same home will be a place that would make her feel happy again. I hope she will take baby steps to get better. Not wanting to get out of bed is not a good sign, and I’m not talking about the lazy cold mornings. 

I told her I truly understood how she felt. My life overseas have been lonely, especially in the beginning of a new place. That’s why I was somewhat reluctant to move here, knowing well that starting again is tough. No man is an island. I know I made friends eventually but those who truly knows me (whom I’m also utterly comfortable with to be myself) were not within driving distance for me to hang out with. They were not even in the same time zone for me to call! My family is scattered over 3 different continents – it’s meaningless (but we’re working on that). Oh my dear heart! How it felt every emotion when she told me her story. I could see tears brimming as she tried to hold them back. 

As she picked up her bags, “Thank you for talking to me.”

Oh my heart! I thank God for putting me there today and I hope she feels better from having someone to talk to. 


Another step forward

by FeR on March 6, 2013 in new to me,work

Today, I conquered my fear of doing IM flu vaccination. At 1250pm, I administered the vaccine and although I had a bleeder, I hope that it really didn’t hurt her (like how mine didn’t hurt when I received the vaccine from my fellow pharmacist).

I went in thinking that we had to draw out the medication and administer the vaccine ourselves with the traditional syringe+needle. I felt slightly better when I read that it was a pre-filled syringe (although my hands shook when I was holding the syringe to have a look at it).

The first vaccine was administered by our facilitator herself (to “my vaccinator”) and I was the 2nd to receive the vaccine. Both of us have never had the flu vaccine before and safe to say, we survived it. On insertion of the needle, there was a slight prick of pain – I wouldn’t call it painful or uncomfortable. You just know/feel that there is something in your flesh but I won’t even say it’s a degree of pain. Just a prick (literally), although the needle looks more intimidating than the Intanza. Funny enough, because Intanza’s needle is so small, it actually takes a bit more effort to depress the plunger than it is with the Vaxigrip. It finally made sense why our facilitator said that IM would be SO MUCH easier than intradermal.

I can’t believe this! I’m going to be able to provide IM flu vaccinations this year onwards. How far I have come since I started working in NZ. I started off wanting more job satisfaction as a pharmacist and doing what I’ve studied for/trained to do. I’ve only ever read of pharmacists in the US giving flu vaccinations and wondered what that was like – now I am able to do it, too!
I have always known that the ECP is available without a rx here and then recently, TMP. Some pharmacists are also qualified to do INR testing (maybe soon for our pharmacy) but I think there will be more for us in the future.


8 months

by FeR on November 14, 2012 in personal,work

8 months ago, this arrived for me.


8 months after, it’s still sitting in its plastic, in my drawer.

First of all, I don’t feel like I am the manager.
I’ve been doing the same things I’ve always done – the 4 years experience in this particular pharmacy has given me the confidence to be able to make certain decisions easier than locums/newer pharmacists. That doesn’t make me a manager, it just makes me an experienced pharmacist for this particular store.

Secondly, I don’t think I’ve even started embracing the role of a manager (apart from extra paper work) because I am very much still a “charge pharmacist”. I would LOVE to delegate but we have yet to find someone who could back me up as a partner-pharmacist. In this year, we would have 5 “full time” pharmacists come and go. The constant is the rest of us. I think it’s also my own expectations and generation – why can’t we find any 醒目 people? If you have gone through the same education and training as I have, technically I shouldn’t have to walk you through EVERY single (common sense) thing. I understand that every pharmacy has a different process and time is needed to get used to it, but honestly, it also takes heart to WANT to learn/know better. I don’t remember Lynnette having to walk me through everything, I experimented (listened, observed, etc because I WANT to know more)! Michael was the one who helped set up the medico cycle at Hastings, too, and I don’t think Lynnette walked him through that.
I guess I’m old school, or brought up old school – you have to put in effort to be better at what you do. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that, as long as I haven’t got a second-in-charge pharmacist that could help run the dispensary, I would not be able to move forward to learn how to be a “manager”.

I’m still very comfortable and happy wearing my “Pharmacist” badge. If the time comes when they ask for someone in charge (usually to take a complaint or resolve a problem), I am happy to step up…but in my everyday, I am still very much your local pharmacist.



by FeR on October 22, 2012 in work

Awake at 2am when you’re due to work at 8am is not good.

Lying in bed in the middle of the night, the worry and anxiety about not being able to get things done overwhelms me now. I haven’t even started looking through the emails but I know I have at least 3 things/reports that I need to do (due middle of the month but I didn’t get back until after).

Is it normal to ignore everything when you’re overwhelmed? I think that’s why I procrastinate things and choose to sleep when I actually have so much to do. I fear not being able to complete my work and fear that it would turn out wrong. I know I’ve been told I could always ask for help but I feel like I’m not getting the RIGHT support I need. I still feel like a lost, headless chicken. Even more so after coming back from quite a long break and coming back to (new) changes. Unfortunately, I know that my tasks/problems/challenges would not disappear by ignoring them.

I always thought or at least, believed, I was good at problem solving and making decisions at work. However, this change in PSA contract and new managerial role this year prove to be more than I can handle. I can’t seem to wrap my head around what EXACTLY needs to be done to have the smooth transition by February, while still muddling through managerial duties/responsibilities.
All these have made me feel inadequate. I am not as positive about handling new challenges as I have been when I started in March (and decided in December).

I am ready to stop.
I feel like I’m at that point of life’s journey where I just do not want to continue walking. I just want to stop.