blabs

Last week of work for 2017

by FeR on December 12, 2017 in blabs

This year has flown by. You notice it more as you get older. I have never used that phrase so often as I do now.

I have had many days off this year. I hope I’ll be more disciplined next year. I do hope to be able to live in my own home soon – as in, going back home every day kind of permanent.

This is my last week working in this store and also for the year. I will be heading to visit D&C on Christmas day and won’t be back until next year! 2018! Can’t believe I’m now nearer to 40. Some days, I don’t feel like it. It feels unreal.

I went to Bella Lavender farm last Saturday. I sat outside on the deck, minding my own business. I turned to my right and noticed this very green (very healthy) tree. It had a thick trunk and I also saw that it had many fruits – it was a fig tree! It took me a while to recognise it because most fig trees I’ve come across (so far), I would classify them as “fig plants” because non were like a tree, tree like this one. To think I thought Andrew’s fig “tree” was very fruitful, this would put his to shame!Perspective is important. Heh!
I don’t know if I came up with this myself (I don’t think so because at that point, I was lulled into a stupor by the cool breeze, infused with the scent of lavender plants in the farm) but I felt that it was a sign that it’s time to stop traveling around., to get established in one place (at least, for a few years). To start building and growing deep roots. I felt like it was a call for me to stay in one place in order to be able to make stronger connections. So that I won’t feel and act like I’m lost.
I also felt like it was a call to maybe hunker down and try to concentrate on refining one or two skills – rather than trying my hands at a gazillion things and having half done projects left, right, centre. That may be a bit trickier, I like to dabble in everything!

I don’t know if it’s just the hormones talking. Maybe it’s because I now have my own little nest that I want to be there everyday. I haven’t had the chance to really make it home yet. Every time I am back, I just feel like lazing. I have everything I need but I do realise everything is really bare. I still have things in boxes. It’s not quite home yet. I have plans to decorate, plans to get/salvage furniture, plans to plant edibles, plans to eat clean…all in my little spot. I pray for God to use me, to use what I have to reach out/care for others. I probably will be reluctant when He really presents me with something (an introvert trait, big plans but regret after) that kicks me out of my comfort zone – but I hope I do not forget, nor would I back out from it. I’ll probably TRY to negotiate my way out of it, but hey! I’m being honest.

Can’t wait to go home.
家. 我要回家了.

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Where is the wonder?

by FeR on December 8, 2017 in blabs,just me

I was supposed to meet up with another locum pharmacist for dinner (we met when I was working in Burra) tonight. I called the pub across from work and they were fully booked. The pageant (Christmas parade) was on tonight and we thought we could make a night out of it.

This always happen (no wonder I have no friends. No new friends, hah!). I make plans because I know I should get out and socialise more but then when it comes to the day, I secretly hope that the other party would cancel. Today, I got an out after telling her that the pub is fully booked. She suggested lunch tomorrow after work instead. I was happier with that arrangement because it beats hanging around on the street with the rest of the town (and beyond! Apparently this is the best pageant in the Riverland area) and waiting until 915pm (heh-lo? It’ll be near my bedtime :P ) for the fireworks.

As for the fireworks, I thought to myself that I could walk to the lakeside to view it at 915pm (to be fair, it had to be at a later time as the days are getting longer now). I completely forgot about heading out (already in PJs, too lazy to change out of it and care too much to be seen in it outside of home) when I heard the distant “boom boom”.

Fireworks.

It was sort of special when I could only view it once a year (New Year’s), I used to watch in wonderment. Used to look forward to them. Even waited in the rain (drenched) for them when I was in HK Disneyland with JoFo. Used to be something I find so beautiful and it can even be romantic. I shared my wonderment of fireworks with someone. That someone talked about marriage. Talked about Pangkor Laut. Talked about how you can set fireworks off at said island if one had a wedding there. I don’t know if I’ve become bitter and cynical. Or maybe I’m just more of a realist now. Maybe I’m more pragmatic now. Maybe I’m more green now. Maybe I just don’t like crowds. Maybe I’m just tired now. Maybe it’s not as exciting watching them by myself. Who knows.

Speaking of socialising, I just receive a message to say that lunch has been cancelled tomorrow, too. This time, I did not secretly wish for it. Then again, it’s not tomorrow yet. Hah! I will just have to go exploring elsewhere then. On my own.

I need a dog.

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Sluggish and spotty

by FeR on November 25, 2017 in blabs

Le sigh.

I am really too old for this – acne issues. What irritates me more is the fact that it’s flared up again for “no reason”. I do not like not knowing. Not knowing means I can’t fix it! Sitting here with a charcoal mask over my trouble areas (U of my face – cheeks and chin – and in the middle of my forehead, between my brows), feeling sorry for myself.

I’ve tried a gut repair course (did not make any difference), tried Vitex (no improvement after a bottle/month – 4 weeks is a fair chance?), tried going vegan (thought through that week, didn’t get new cystic acne – but really difficult to keep to)…what I DO know is that dairy and lack of sleep aggravates it. I got so fed up with all the trying, I just went all out eating ice-cream that’s left in my freezer (that my guests didn’t even touch!), eating cheese – then paid for it by saying hello to some new itchy, painful cystic bumps. :roll:

I’ve taken photos of my left and right profile but it seems progressively worse since May – no light at the end of the tunnel! Maybe I’ll put the photos here when (yes, still pretty optimistic as my first response although I’m thinking I don’t know if it will be better) I see any sort of improvement. In the meantime, it hasn’t got a happy ending and it’s just a collection of disgusting (to me) photos. :bum:

I am very close to giving up and am very tempted to go back on the oestrogen/cyproterone again – I KNOW it works in clearing up my skin and clear skin is what I miss. I can’t begin to explain how my feelings/confidence are affected when my skin is this bad – I know all the science (it’s not that I am “dirty” and all the acne stigma) but the psychology is hitting me hard. It doesn’t help when your family and friends points at your face and go, “What happened to your face? Why your face so bad?” As if I don’t see it in the mirror every day. :bum:

已經老了,也沒人要 – 臉那麼醜真的是太難受了

Sluggish is me around the belly (especially) – what I meant is that I feel in around my belly, it’s heavier and it makes me feel so UGH! When I first arrived here, the first two days hit 37°C!!! I don’t know if it was all the junk eating before I started work or the heat; everything (my clothing) felt so snug! Not in a good way. My trousers felt like it was cutting into my stomach and I felt constricted in my dispensing jacket :cry:

The funny thing out of this is – I’m not sure which one I want/need to fix first. :heh:

This entire entry may seem like a PMS rant; maybe it is. That’s the beauty of a blog. It’s mine, it’s not in your face (unless you choose to read it/click on the website), it’s my space to dump my thoughts and record my things. I haven’t done it in a loooooong while. Sometimes I need this to see what I’ve been doing/going through – can’t have a group to catch up with physically because of the traveling for work this year.

Let me end this post with a photo of this place here:

P/S: Just suck it up and do something about it, FeR! You obviously don’t want it enough to continue sneaking in Tim Tams and potato chips. Yea, don’t think I didn’t see that! And you say you want to jog/run continuously for 5km – what are you doing now? What have you done for the entire week to work up to it? NOTHING. Exactly. *drops mic*

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Where did time go?

by FeR on November 25, 2017 in blabs

Oh my.

My last post was back in March (see if you can spot them in the midst of all the Twitter updates, heh!). So much for wanting to revive my blogging. What a waste of money for hosting, too, when I don’t update this site.

Currently at the Riverland, which is considered to be the heart of SA’s citrus industry. I have yet to purchase local oranges, I keep passing them on the road (hello! 80kmph, I can’t well hit my brakes when I zoom past) but never get to stop and get some. I have to intentionally plan a day to procure them.

This is the 7th pharmacy I’ve worked at since I started as a locum (and my very first in getting paid via direct invoicing!) – not very many in the year because I kept going back to Mt Gambier (I went there FOUR times!). I was supposed to go to Darwin but 2 weeks before my start date, I got told that they found a permanent pharmacist (then CL told me later that they put out an ad again looking for a locum :pfft: Long story with this particular contact but never again shall you fool me!)

You know what? I just did a tally on the amount of days off I’ve given myself this year…16 weeks. That’s 4 months. I’m not sure if the figures are right, it seems WAYYYYY off. It’s definitely not a viable plan to be this *gasp!* lazy…I think I’ve been too slack. Been overly excited at the prospect that I can give myself time off anytime I wanted. It’s a recipe for disaster! Mortgage will not magically pay itself off (nor would the bank tell me, “S’aight, fix us up when you can.”) I need to plan better or get myself a permanent job. This will not work out in the long run. Reality check.

I have two major holidays planned out in 2018. I think that’s it. The rest of the year should be booked up with work, hopefully.

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Spoke to me: Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)

by FeR on November 16, 2016 in blabs


Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders,
Let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me.
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander,
And my faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Saviour

– Hillsong UNITED –

This song was the first song that came up on Spotify when I started my walk around the Blue Lake today. 

I feel lost in my first few steps. I wondered what am I doing here and have I (yet again) set myself up to live life alone. Starting over and making new friends are not my strengths. I used to think I was pretty good in making new friends but I must’ve mistaken it with making new acquaintances. I see people walking with friends or family or loved ones and I see my one lonesome shadow. When this part came up, something clicked in me. Step. Step. Step. With every step, I have to remind myself that I’m not doing this alone. If I have prayed for it, then I had better step into it without hesitation or doubt. With every step, I remember praying for God to call me out of my comfort zone and to be used for His glory. 

Maybe what I’m doing now is something I’ve prayed for. Maybe what I’m doing now is answering that call to “walk upon the waters”. I remember listening to this song over and over again after watching the Hillsong movie, I even shared the song on Facebook. 10 days after that, I handed in my notice. I also submitted my application to UTAS today. If all goes well, I will definitely need a new computer by February. 

Everything happened really quickly that I’m not even sure if I really thought it through. Perhaps with my tendency to over-analyse, this quick decision-to-action is a good thing. Perhaps I’ve done so much thinking in the last couple of years that I need not think too much now. Just keep moving forward.  

I’m self doubting, for sure, but I’m thankful to know that there is no doubting in what God can do. I will continue to take my steps. By faith. 

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