Spoke to me: Giants Fall

by FeR on January 1, 2017 in personal

Everyone’s telling you
To let go of what you’re holding to
It’s too late, too far
You’re too small, it’s too hard
Throwing water on that spark
Living deep inside your heart
With oceans of reasons
The things you’re not seeing
But oh, maybe they don’t
Know what you know
That you’re not alone

Don’t you be afraid
Of giants in your way
With God you know that anything’s possible
So step into the fight
He’s right there by your side
The stones inside your hand might be small
But watch the giants fall

– Francesca Battistelli –

I have my flaws, I made mistakes and I will probably continue to make them for as long as I live. Not ones that are intentional anyway (I will strive to not make any deliberately, of course). People try to reason or define you by what you’ve done or who you were in the past. I am not the same person today as what I was yesterday, last week or 10 years ago. On that same note, I also have to learn to extend that grace to others – believing them changed for the better. Maybe it’s my romantic self that wants to believe everyone deserves a happy ending. If a second chance is not given, how will one find reason to change anyway if they will always be seen as their mistake/past? 

2016 made me cry more than my entire time in Australia. For more reasons than one. Painful, confusing, crushing, feeling unloved and alone. Feelings stirred by (sadly) both family and friends. I did what was the only thing I knew to do. I ran to God. Funny how it’s at my lowest times that I feel closest to my Jesus. 

Slowly but surely, I am rebuilding my shield. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not shutting everyone out. What I mean (and I’m using Larrie’s words) is I will continue to be friendly but am learning to trust sparingly. I have this problem that I do not know how to filter people out. It’s probably my tendency to be too sentimental. How to be friendly and caring without being invested – that’s a skill for me to learn this year. However, I’ve been told by JoFo that this trait is what makes me, me. Caring to the point of hurting. That’s not a good thing to be??! I pray that regardless of how people treat me, I will continue to be true to myself. Some may say it’s stupid or risky to wear my heart on my sleeve but if it’s me, I believe those giants will indeed fall, by God’s grace. 

3 years since dad left us suddenly. As always, I really hope he did call out to God during his last moments. I hope to see him in heaven. 

I step into 2017, by choice, without having a permanent job. I am not without fear; uncertainties are scary. However, even when you are in a storm, it’s an opportunity to see a rainbow. 

Happy New Year!

P/S: this is such a mish mash of thoughts and it hasn’t got the best flow in terms of delivery – I’m jotting it down as I’m thinking of them. 

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