Lonely

by FeR on March 15, 2016 in blabs,Him & faith,stories

I had a busy day at work today but I’m really glad that it was a quiet moment when she came to pick up her items. 

It started from her telling me that the CoQ10 did nothing for her and that she still felt very tired and fatigued. As I gently probed for more details, she said she was waiting for surgery to fix her knee and that won’t happen until June. Living with physical pain is debilitating. It really sucks everything out of you. I felt sorry for her. 

Then there was death and loneliness. Death caused the loneliness despite having children and friends. The first step was to admit it, that you feel lonely. I think society is not very sympathetic towards lonely people. Everyone is too busy. I was told, “Oh, but they have their own family and issues.” I told her I believe family is family and true friends won’t bat an eyelid if you are honest with them. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate event with pomp and fuss, it can just be hanging out in the same room or a quick meal or a grocery run or even if it’s just sitting in the car while your children sends your grandchildren to their activities. Since when do family members have to be so 客氣 with each other? To worry about, “Am I imposing? Is she comfortable? Am I taking up their time?” 

When it comes to something like this, I’m glad to be Asian. We don’t have to be so uptight about personal space or privacy sometimes (although ironically, those are the very things that annoys me too!). For someone who has family and friends around her, yet be afraid to ask them for their company…it’s sad. I would feel horrible if my mother is ever made to feel that way when I am within driving distance from her. I’m not saying that they don’t care, but why is she made to feel afraid to reach out for company? That she is a burden or that she may be imposing herself on others? 

Loneliness is a real thing. I’m sorry she has to go back to an empty home where there were lots of memories with the person she loved. I do hope that one day, this same home will be a place that would make her feel happy again. I hope she will take baby steps to get better. Not wanting to get out of bed is not a good sign, and I’m not talking about the lazy cold mornings. 

I told her I truly understood how she felt. My life overseas have been lonely, especially in the beginning of a new place. That’s why I was somewhat reluctant to move here, knowing well that starting again is tough. No man is an island. I know I made friends eventually but those who truly knows me (whom I’m also utterly comfortable with to be myself) were not within driving distance for me to hang out with. They were not even in the same time zone for me to call! My family is scattered over 3 different continents – it’s meaningless (but we’re working on that). Oh my dear heart! How it felt every emotion when she told me her story. I could see tears brimming as she tried to hold them back. 

As she picked up her bags, “Thank you for talking to me.”

Oh my heart! I thank God for putting me there today and I hope she feels better from having someone to talk to. 

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

winne March 23, 2016 at 7:25 pm

my fam is quite uptight about personal space. even my uncle and aunt on my dad’s side. i can never fully understand why everyone is so sensitive about invading someone’s space. im like WE ARE FAMILY. but okay whatever…. we are a different breed of asian family. hahahah

FeR March 23, 2016 at 9:48 pm

It’s sad when I see single, older folks like this. Especially when they have children. In a sense, if you can’t kacau your own children, who can you kacau?

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