Spoke to me: You Hold Me Now

by FeR on March 2, 2016 in Him & faith

In this life I will stand through my joy and my pain
Knowing there’s a greater day, there’s a hope that never fails.
Where Your name is lifted high and forever praises rise
For the glory of Your name, I’m believing for the day
Where the wars and violence cease, all creation lives in peace

Let the songs of heaven rise to You alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain, no suffering
You hold me now, You hold me now
No darkness, no sick or lame, no hiding
You hold me now, You hold me now

Your Kingdom come, Your will be done
Here on earth as it is in heaven

– Hillsong –

I think of dad when it comes to the chorus. I think of personal hurts. I think of the bad news we often hear about. 

I cling on to Your promises. That’s all I can do at the moment as nothing else makes sense and I don’t know how else to cope. I am tired of feeling this way, how long more? I drove into a spot of shower on the way home from my first aid course today and looked around for a rainbow (sadly, saw none). 

I feel bad for crying in front of my family, especially mom. I do not want them to worry. By God’s grace I will get there. I pray daily that it will be sooner than later. 

“I’m a Christian. I’m not perfect. Just because I mess up sometimes doesn’t mean I’m fake. There’s no such thing as a perfect Christian.”
From Jarrid Wilson’s tweet.

I believe one is more likely to have a greater capacity of extending grace when one has experienced great grace. Not to say those who hasn’t cannot possibly be full of grace but let’s face it, we are human. It is easier to put ourselves in the shoes of others when you’ve experienced it yourself, first hand. When you bare yourself and brace yourself for the worst…then you get a hug to say they wish you didn’t have to go through the ordeal on your own. There are no words to express the overwhelming gratitude and relief; there is no other way to release that ball of emotion except to cry. You’ve seen me in all my ugliness and yet love me, how is that possible?

Hebrews 11:1
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen

I am neither brave nor strong, I don’t understand why would anyone say that. I feel anything but. I will turn all praise to You. I will give all the glory to You. I will choose to praise You even when I feel defeated. I will choose to praise You even when I don’t understand the reason (yet). I will choose to praise You even when I hurt. I will choose to praise You even when I seem to find no comfort. I will choose to praise You even when I feel lost. I will choose to praise You even if the world gave me all the reasons not to. It was a decision made, a commitment I will honour. All the days of my life. Even though I may have stumbled, by Your grace I will never ever stumble over the same stone again. My commitment to You is the driving force of why I am who I am today. 

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