Hello stranger.

by FeR on July 21, 2014 in monologue

Hmm.

Lots of updates. Some things are obviously not even working now (like my Tweet Digest, Tweet to post and Twitter box on the side bar) as I’ve neglected this space for so long. I also get annoyed that with every update or so, the plugins don’t work and I have to tweak them again. Meh!

Being away from Malaysia for the first time was really exciting and I guess I also had nothing else to distract me, so I blogged quite a bit (not as much and as detailed while I was in Uni, though!) Then again, it’s not like there is much to distract me here but I think my heart is just not here. So much has happened and is still happening.

Friends are also going through their own phases of change. Even if I refuse to budge, life goes on.

The year 2014 has been so full of sadness. Full of tears, pain, heartache and anger. Enough to make me want to give up and pray for Jesus’ return right this instant – all suffering will end. Humanity’s stupidity and greed will be thwarted. No more unnecessary deaths. No more suffering. No more questions of why.

Watching planes fly past above me when I’m outside weeding (yes, I do that now) makes me think about the MAS planes that came up in the news. I don’t know which is less painful and if closure is really better than hope.

I guess it’s been extra hard to start over due to what has happened in my family. And also I’m getting older and more stubborn in my ways. I think the pay cut (and more bills to pay here, somehow!) is hard to swallow at this age as I’m thinking about my future, my retirement…and also about having mom by my side (obviously wanting to provide her a comfortable life, or as comfortable as I can manage). At the moment, I don’t even think I could save up for a holiday in Malaysia after a year’s work, let alone anywhere else further! (I really want to visit Poreizach in HK and family in US again!) I’m not exaggerating. Apparently too many pharmacists here, thus lower wage rate. It’s like working in Auckland as a newly registered pharmacist (dollar to dollar). Then, I pinch myself and tell myself not to be ungrateful. Getting a job before I arrive in the country is a blessing, ask any migrant or potential migrant. Like what WY said, it’s because I have a choice. In the back of my head I keep thinking I can go back to NZ, so when things get tough, my mind reverts to that. I know that God is my Provider – perhaps I should pray for deeper faith in that aspect.

So, I’ve been weeding. I’ve been thinking about growing pea sprouts (found out they are my favourite 豆苗!) so I can eat them. I’ve also been seriously considering container gardening for a small vege patch. I’ve looked at some DIY ideas (buying those ready made raised containers are expensive! I’m thinking plastic or styrofoam placed on a weather hardy shelving). I’m thinking of my own compost. Then I had to stop myself. This is not my own place and WY may not like the idea.
I’ve also been watching documentaries on Korean food culture…then realised I should, instead, look up my own. I am keen to try making things from scratch that is both Malaysian and Chinese. I am waiting for my mortar & pestle (my shipment from NZ has arrived and passed inspection! Any day for delivery now…but where to put them all?). I want to make my own 臘腸 (lap cheong), 燒肉 (siew yuk), 九成糕 (kuih lapis), 客家麵 (Hakka meen), 炸肉 (zhar yuk), 豬腸粉 (chee cheong fun)…ahhh

I haven’t bought a bike yet.

I haven’t explored this place yet. I am somewhat reluctant. Maybe it’s because I haven’t got friends for these activities yet.

哥哥 is arriving this Thursday for a short visit. If it was Hastings, I would know what to suggest for him to do, to see, to try. He asked me what can he do on Thursday and Friday (since I’m working and can’t take time off) – I’m clueless. Also, we do not have a close sibling relationship, so I don’t really know what are his interests and what he would like to do. Thankfully I have the weekend off. Hope we’ll have good weather then. Where to go? What to do? My mind is just filled with gardening and cooking recently.

I need to get out.
At the same time I can’t afford to.

What a predicament.

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