Strangely afraid
HK 5th February 2010, 733am
Of all times, of all places – I feel unexplainably afraid of exploring a place on my own here in HK.
What happened to the “fun and adventure: the solo edition”?
What happened to, “it’s okay, I will find it”?
What happened to, “I don’t care what they think of me, I will just walk around taking pictures”?
What happened to, “Wheeeee! I’ve never been here before and I can’t wait to see everything”?
What happened to, “now I can BE in the places I watched on TV!”?
Don’t get me wrong, I am excited to be here! It’s ALL NEW! Also, it’s been a while since I’ve seen some comforting, familiar-from-home faces. I don’t know if they are sick of guests but I sure am glappy (glad+happy…just thought of it myself! 
) to see them!
I saw the red 的士 (taxi) and squealed at Paul and Hazel, “Oooo! The red taxi!”
I saw the 小巴 (minibus) when we walked back to the apartment after supper and squealed, “Oooo! Look! Minibus! Just like in the TVB dramas!”
Why would exploring on my own be daunting? Why do I worry about people scolding me if I didn’t know the rules or ways? Why would I be afraid, here and now about eating alone? Maybe it’s the fear of crowds (oh-no-what-have-I-done-to-myself-to-make-me-seemingly-enochlophobic??) and the faster pace that is different from what I’m used (by now).
Hmmm…I guess the main holdback is the fear of being rushed, me being slow. Does that make sense? I’m not used to this but then again, why would I be bothered? I’m a tourist on my leisurely time.
Perhaps I should’ve used my past hour to get a bowl of 皮蛋瘦肉粥 (century egg+pork porridge) from CongeeOne down the road and snapped some pictures of the quiet(er) streets…should have done that instead of sitting down here, contemplating and worrying about things that are not.
[This reminds me of the song from TheSoundOfMusic - "My heart should be wildly rejoicing, oh, what's the matter with me?" "And here I am facing adventure...then why am I so scared?" "I must dream of the things I am seeking, I am seeking the courage I lack."]
Hey sorry gal that I can’t company you till tomorrow. Don’t worry k. Most ppl are nice here and if u happen to get scolding, it’s oklar. No one knows u. Go out and enjoy!!!
You’re in HK now? Aiyo don’t worry. Just go enjoy. Shop banyak banyak eh. My fav place is the Esprit Factory Outlet.
HK feels like a second home to me because they speak Cantonese hahaha.
Hey, stay positive and take each moment as it comes. You will be fine
Don’t lose the sense of adventure!!!
I’m just writing how I felt, doesn’t mean that it’s really going to be in the way. Just wanted to let it out.
Hazel: It’s ok…it’s not to make you feel bad, okay!
Che-Cheh: yes! when they go into details, I get lost because the Canto too deep already.
Jo: nah, like I said, just voicing it out. Not like I’m going to lock myself in.
Janvier: I have to go out to look for it.
Now I remembered that I had this feeling when I went to Spore not long after coming back from Glasgow. Too many people and I scared i am in their way coz they are all rushing about. Enjoy yourself there. See u in KL.