I don’t know what triggered it off but suddenly I’m feeling all panicky about my age. What have I achieved so far?!
I feel that I’ve not done much in my life – where did all the time go? It’s going to be a decade since I stepped into university and as reminded by HongHui, it’s our 12th year since we’ve left secondary school.
Have you ever thought about what you would be or be doing when you’re at a certain age? Or what you would WANT to have achieved by a certain age? Like how 15 year old Marshall wrote a letter to his 30 year old self (yes, many “re-runs” of How I Met Your Mother).
I’ve never been there. As in I’ve never thought about it.
Ask my teenage self what I would be doing now, I would probably say, “I don’t know.” She would never have dreamt or thought that she would be a pharmacist now, working in New Zealand.
Do I lack dream and ambition?
I have to admit, I’m still (very slowly) getting to know myself – so I can’t even think of what I want to see my older self achieving. I can only say I know what I would want to tell my younger self NOT to do – now with that, I have specific points I’d like to change or avoid.
I want to have my own place by the time I turn 30 – sadly, I don’t see things gearing towards that direction.
My “life plan” for the sake of my biological clock? It obviously did not coincide with God’s plans for me.
The life I envisioned before I got here is different from what it is now – where is my extra time for hobbies? I can only say it’s my own doings – not feeling motivated.
Ah!
I have a mixture of feelings at the moment when I think about family and friends. I miss the good old days of being under the same roof as my family, arguing with korkor, weekend visits to PJ/KL, hanging out after school, movies on weekends, etc. I miss my friends and time from school, other schools, college, uni, work in Seremban and KL.
It’s such a cliche but really, you don’t know what you’re missing till it’s gone.
I can’t wait to go back home but at the same time, I know it’s not going to be exactly the same as how I’ve left it. I know for a fact that if I continue to slack in my correspondence with friends, I will have nothing in the end.
I think about my best/close friends and I don’t seem to know them anymore – I did not keep myself updated with their changes/lives and I have a feeling I’m so far off that I’m probably more of an acquaintance than a friend now. I miss the young, gung-ho me – the one who keeps herself updated with what others are up to, the one who remembers people’s birthdays without referring to notes/calendars, the one who MAKES gifts, the one who writes, the one who calls…
Sorry if I’ve not written, or said hello, or asked, “How are you?” – just know that I have thought of you and have remembered you in prayers.
I do not want to turn into an old spinster with no friends because of my own doings.
There is no doubt that gifts are nice but I look forward to celebrating Christmas in peace. Literal quietness that’s missing in my daily life – whether physically or mentally. There’s always something happening in this house or at work or even in my head when I’m asleep (dreams are robbing me of restful sleep).
Why? Why would one want to spend Christmas alone (apart from it being a lack of choice)?
I want to spend this time to refocus on THE true reason for Christmas.
Ask me now and I can rattle the reason to you but I have to honestly say, it will lack some enthusiasm. I feel so far away and it’s not something I’m proud of admitting. I try, then I stumble. I stay where I am for a while, then I try again.
I can only say that I am VERY glad that God is always faithful!
The term “Scrooge” or “grinch” is used when one does not display a “Christmas spirit” at the end of the year – but really…what is the “Christmas spirit”? Or rather, what is the world’s definition of “Christmas spirit”?
I have no planned script for this post – it’s all over the place!
Great.
Apart from skin woes, my eyes decide to join the fun.
Passed my road code test (35 out of 35, yo! ) but failed the eyesight screening check! I couldn’t see a thing through that look-through-darkness-thingamajig.
She said, “Can you read row 7, column 3?”
FeR: *silence*
“Can you see the entire row 2?”
FeR: *silence*
(By the way, the letters on line 2 are bigger than line 7)
Thinking about it now, maybe I should’ve attempted reading those lines again but from a further distance. I remember seeing letters clearly when I was moving nearer to the machine but once I was at the “right” spot, everything was blur. Instead of moving my face back, I tried to stuff my face into the machine.
Why did I think I MUST go nearer to see it instead of moving away? Why do I think of it now?! BLERGH!
Anyway, optometrist appointment at 1140am for the basic test. In the event if I fail it, I have to pay $98 for a full test AND get prescription glasses. Otherwise I CAN NOT DRIVE! Sei lor, what hole have I dug up for myself this time? To think I was so worried about the theory test I didn’t think of the other components.
For licence conversion, they usually issue a temp licence when you pass the road code but because I didn’t pass the eyesight screening – no temp licence! I won’t be able to take my practical driving test if I fail my basic eye test, too. Great.
Summore so gung-ho wake up early on my day off to get my test done to avoid the crowd.
HokeyPokey ice-cream is soooooooooo good.
The fact that they have crunchy bits of toffee in my all-time favourite “basic” flavour ice-cream is good enough for me to keep going to the freezer for more.
My plan to lose a kilo a month before my trip back home is not panning out well.
That tub of HokeyPokey calling out from the freezer is definitely not helping. Maybe I should finish it off and be rid of it today.
) but failed the eyesight screening check! I couldn’t see a thing through that look-through-darkness-thingamajig.