I have pretty much decided that I’m foregoing my CNY trip back home.
Thank you for being gracious to let me change my mind once again, Hazel. I really appreciate it.
Anyway, that aside…speaking about my current feelings, it’s a bit low when I think about not going back for CNY. I had something to look forward to, I was counting down (about 3 months left!) to going home.
Yesterday when I told Keryn about changing my holiday, she was really happy about it and went, “Oh! May is definitely better than January/February! I’m very happy to hear that. You’ve made me very happy today!”
She handed me my old request form (I applied for it back in August/September, I think) and told me to tear it up since I would need to write a new one anyway.
“Go on. Rip it.”
I didn’t feel any satisfaction but instead, a twang of momentary sadness…to think that I’m not going home in 3 months’ time. Apart from my final year in Uni (and bear in mind I had a close group of friends with me then), I’ve never been away for home for such a long period of time.
I know it’s weird and silly to only think about it/realise it now but in my head were these words, “I’m not going home anymore.”
That is definitely homesickness.
I mean, I know I CAN go home for good if I want but this is what I’ve been praying about when I was back home! Am I being ungrateful? Maybe in another year’s time I’d look back at this post and go, “What was I thinking? I love it here!” or something like that…but for the moment, it’s not so cheery looking.
I guess I’m still adjusting. I’ve only been here for 5 months. I’m constantly been told by people here, “You’ve only been here for a short time, give yourself some time to know more people and have a group of friends.”
You don’t know how bleak looking that prospect is to me, from where I’m standing at the moment.
Can you believe that I have trouble expressing my thoughts/feelings/views to people here?!
Without the use of our Manglish, I feel like I’m slowly losing my identity.
*checks calendar*
Nope.
Definitely not PMS-ing.
There are all hormones-free feelings and thoughts.
Anyway, all that aside, I am excited about going back in May instead. I can attend Chelle’s wedding (so far she has THREE bridesmaid and she enticed us all with the promise of eligible young men as bestmen *haha!*) and maybe celebrate Su’s first birthday!
And instead of counting down to CNY, I’m counting down to Hazel’s trip here!
I just have to focus on all the good things to look forward to.