How long exactly am I allowed to mourn yea?
Brinkley’s still not anywhere near home.
All I’m hoping for now is for a miracle to happen. That Brinkley would one day be sitting at home waiting when I arrive.
*sigh*
I thank God that I’ve got supportive friends. Friends to listen to me cry, to listen to me ask questions (tho I wasn’t really asking them), to listen to me moan, to listen to my explanations, to give me hugs, to ask if I’m okay, to ask if there’s any news on Brinkley, to take me out, to cheer me up, etc.
Without them, I’d be even worse than I am now. I thought I had no more tears to cry…well, I bawled like nobody’s business last night. Duch reminded me so much of Brinkley and to think when I got home, no Brinkley’s going to be there.
Mom asked me to go over for a break. I haven’t got two weeks off. Going over for a week would be a waste of ticket.
Kristin emailed me the technician job. I should go give it a try.
Now suddenly I’m all free. Free from r’ship commitment, free from commitment to take care of Brinkley. Yet I feel so lost and don’t know what I can do. I used to think of working overseas but the commitments held me back.
Now?
I just don’t know.
I guess some may be worried.
Some say I’m strong. I’m coping well.
Well, I can tahan quite well and then when I get home, all alone, I break down lor. I don’t feel strong.
Oh. Elaine loaned me “PS I love you” – so very wrong book to recommend at the moment. But I’ve started reading it and I don’t want to stop. Now when I cry, it takes 2 seconds for eyes to sting because I’ve been overworking my tear glands.
I love you, Brinks. Please come home.
I miss you very very very very very very much.
I’m sorry if you think I didn’t care anymore.
I do. I really do.
{ 0 comments }
